Somatic Exploration to Transform Anxious Attachment

Oct 4

*A somatic or body-based approach can be a great way to shift attachment style. Image by Kayli/Midjourney.*

If you have anxious attachment style and you’re wanting tools to help you shift toward secure, using a somatic or body-based approach is very helpful.

Twenty years ago, I had heard about somatic work and was so skeptical because first, I had never heard of it and second, I was a dancer and I thought I had good body awareness. But it turns out there’s more to somatic work than simple body awareness. When I was certified as a dynamic attachment practitioner years ago, I learned just how important body awareness is for shifting toward secure attachment, and it was a big part of my own journey toward finding secure love.

For a lot of people with anxious attachment, it’s common to seek reassurance, love, and validation from a partner, which can sometimes make relationships feel uncertain or stressful. These attachment patterns often start early in life and don’t just affect how we feel emotionally—they also show up in our bodies. For example, someone might notice tension, shallow breathing, or restlessness when their attachment fears get triggered. The good news is, with the right practices, you can gently regulate these physical responses and feel more grounded, helping you create the security you're looking for.

Regulating the nervous system

Somatic techniques help shift anxious attachment patterns in a few different ways. Naturally, they help regulate the nervous system, because with anxious attachment, people typically have more fight or flight in the body. I find breath work and grounding practices really helpful and include them in my courses and one-on-one sessions. I notice a difference when someone has been listening to the meditations in between sessions. But somatic techniques do a lot more than just calm the nervous system. Although that in itself is extremely important.

Developing Body Awareness

Somatic techniques also help you develop more body awareness of emotions in the body. You might have heard of this research where they found that universally people feel physical emotions in the body in ways that are common across different cultures.

Even just the simple practice of having body awareness and noticing when you’re feeling triggered or safe in the body is helpful. For example, if you notice that whenever you feel insecure or triggered, your jaw tightens or you get tightness in your back, you can be more aware of what your body is telling you about your attachment reaction. Just being aware gives you an opportunity to pause and respond in a healthier, more secure way.

An important point is — these techniques help you feel more safe and grounded. People with anxious style want to feel calmed from someone else — that’s why people often call up a friend or complain to a loved one. Somatic techniques focus on building an internal felt-sense feeling of safety, so you don’t have to constantly seek reassurance from other people. And that leads to more secure relationships.

Most importantly, somatic modalities can release stored negative experiences in the body. For example, by gradually accessing body sensations in a safe environment with someone who is trained in this process, people are able to respond to emotional triggers in a healthier way rather than automatically reacting based on past hurts.

So overall, by practicing somatic techniques regularly, you can retrain your body to respond differently to triggers. You learn to regulate emotions and build more internal safety, and this helps shift toward secure attachment patterns. Our attachment responses aren’t just cognitive — they’re deeply embodied.

If you found this post helpful and would like to dive into shifting your attachment to feel more secure and attract a relationship that is right for you, please check out the one-on-one sessions that I offer.

And if you would like more content like this delivered to your inbox — as well as info about new courses and audio meditations — you can sign up below. I typically send out 2-4 emails per month, and people often tell me they enjoy the content.

Thanks for reading 😊
Kayli