Have you ever felt like you’re doing everything you can to connect with your partner, but it’s just not landing? Maybe you’re looking for reassurance, and they respond with, “You’re overthinking it,” or you’re hoping for closeness, but they seem to pull away.

Why Does Dating Feel Like a Rollercoaster?

Have you ever felt like dating is way more complicated than it needs to be? One moment, things are going great—you're laughing, having fun, and imagining all the possibilities. Then suddenly, you're staring at your phone, re-reading their last text (or freaking out because they haven’t replied), and wondering, Did I mess this up?

• If you have anxious attachment style and you’re wanting tools to help you shift toward secure, using a somatic or body-based approach is very helpful.

• For a lot of people with anxious attachment, it’s common to seek reassurance, love, and validation from a partner, which can sometimes make relationships feel uncertain or stressful. These attachment patterns often start early in life and don’t just affect how we feel emotionally—they also show up in our bodies.

• When I was certified as a dynamic attachment practitioner, I learned just how important body awareness is for shifting toward secure attachment, and it was a big part of my own journey toward finding secure love.

• How to communicate your needs in relationship — how expressing feelings and needs in a positive compassionate way helps relationships grow and flourish.

• How avoidant attachment style developed to make recognizing and sharing feelings and needs feel uncomfortable

• Ways to get more comfortable talking about your feelings and being open in relationships

For someone with an anxious attachment style, knowing when to commit can be tricky. Let’s talk about how you can tell if the timing might be right.

Have you ever wondered why you struggle with self esteem, especially in relationships? It might have something to do with your attachment style.

People with anxious attachment often feel deeply connected to others' emotions and may have a hard time distinguishing between their own feelings and those they absorb from others. This heightened sensitivity can make setting and maintaining emotional boundaries even more challenging, yet it’s so valuable when you want your relationship to be more secure!

How does AI affect our attachment style? I noticed it hasn’t been mirroring us as much lately…

Spotlight on Secure: Conversations with securely attached people about building secure relationships

Having an Anxious attachment style can be frustrating, but the good news is that it’s possible to learn ways to become more secure in relationships.

For a secure functioning relationship, do this when dating -- the importance of being authentic

Recognizing the fight, flight, and freeze response can help you to understand your reactions and those of other people you’re in relationship with.

Some people are surprised to learn they’re more than one attachment style, and if they’ve already done some work on their attachment and feel stuck, it can be worth exploring these additional styles.

A lot of people talk about being frustrated with a dynamic they end up in where they feel like they’re doing all the work in the relationship, or their partner isn’t really interested, or they ask their partner what’s wrong and the person shuts down or pulls away. Here are some strategies to help you get closer to the avoidant partner in your life.

Disorganized, or Fearful attachment style has to do with the way we relate to other people. When someone has a disorganized attachment style, it means they might lean toward either anxious or avoidant attachment style in relationships, or maybe oscillate back and forth between the two.

If you’ve found yourself regularly losing interest in your partners, running away from love or you can’t ever seem to find a partner who measures up to that ideal person in your head, exploring attachment style can be a useful way to understand how to create relationships where you have a really great connection and feel understood.

An Anxious attachment style doesn’t mean you’re the only anxious one in the relationship, but it does come with certain challenges. Learn more about this attachment style in dating and relationships.

Is it better to work on your attachment system by learning and thinking about attachment, and taking practical steps to change your behavior (a top down approach), or by accessing the felt sense/working with body sensations, working on calming the nervous system, and feeling what secure feels like in your body (a bottom up approach)?

Stress that stems from relationships is one of the biggest challenges that people face having an attachment adaptation. Since it is rarely possible to remove ourselves from all relationships — lots of downsides to that one, as you can imagine — it is more practical to work on our attachment system and learn ways to feel calmer in relationship.

Anxious attachment usually stems from inconsistent or unpredictable connection in childhood. The result is a desire to keep someone close, and a fear of being abandoned.
Here are some triggers that people with anxious attachment often feel in the beginning stages and later on in relationships: