Absorbing Others’ Emotions - Balance for Anxious Attachment Style
Have you ever noticed how you pick up the mood of those around you? Maybe you felt great, but someone's story brought you down, or you felt off, and a positive chat lifted your spirits. Sometimes, just being around others changes how you feel—like an emotional contagion where you absorb someone else’s mood.
People with anxious attachment often feel deeply connected to others' emotions and may have a hard time distinguishing between their own feelings and those they absorb from others. This heightened sensitivity can make setting and maintaining emotional boundaries even more challenging, yet it’s so valuable when you want your relationship to be more secure!
In fact, one of the problems Anxious style folks encounter in relationships is that they get so wrapped up in making sure the relationship is stable and okay, that they lose track of their own feelings and needs, or they focus on “figuring it out” or “processing” with a partner, when sometimes exhibiting secure behavior is the balm that the encounter needs, rather than additional processing.
We constantly co-regulate each other's emotions. Just as we can self-soothe through breathwork or visualization, we can help others feel better too. Often, this happens subconsciously, on an energetic level.
Imagine
A friend who hugs you after a bad day, instantly making you feel better.
A massage therapist who feels her client's discomfort after helping them relax.
A person feeling elated after their partner shares exciting news about a promotion.
A partner feeling sadness after their significant other recounts a distressing conflict.
A friend feeling uplifted after spending time with a couple who are deeply in love and affectionate.
In each case, there's an emotional or energetic transfer. We have mirror neurons and pick up on nonverbal cues, feeling what others feel. Empathy and physical touch can transmit emotions, and highly empathic people might even sense physical discomfort or health issues.
You can use grounding and shielding practices to protect your energy. One simple practice to get started is an awareness exercise where you connect with yourself and how your energy feels, just noticing body sensations and emotions. If you do this practice often enough, it will be easier to distinguish between your own energy and someone else’s.
Empathy is a powerful connector but can be overwhelming if we lack boundaries. It's important to protect ourselves from absorbing too much negativity. Just as we choose healthy food, water, and air, we should be mindful of the energy and emotions we take in.
If you would like more detailed exercises where I walk you through creating your own personal energetic boundaries and protective energetic barrier, you might enjoy the course Boundaries for Anxious Attachment.
You can also Download a Boundaries Guide for the Anxious Attachment Style and get a course discount.