Some people are surprised to learn they’re more than one attachment style, and if they’ve already done some work on their attachment and feel stuck, it can be worth exploring these additional styles.

A lot of people talk about being frustrated with a dynamic they end up in where they feel like they’re doing all the work in the relationship, or their partner isn’t really interested, or they ask their partner what’s wrong and the person shuts down or pulls away. Here are some strategies to help you get closer to the avoidant partner in your life.

Disorganized, or Fearful attachment style has to do with the way we relate to other people. When someone has a disorganized attachment style, it means they might lean toward either anxious or avoidant attachment style in relationships, or maybe oscillate back and forth between the two.

If you’ve found yourself regularly losing interest in your partners, running away from love or you can’t ever seem to find a partner who measures up to that ideal person in your head, exploring attachment style can be a useful way to understand how to create relationships where you have a really great connection and feel understood.

An Anxious attachment style doesn’t mean you’re the only anxious one in the relationship, but it does come with certain challenges. Learn more about this attachment style in dating and relationships.

Co-regulate (calm down and feel safer) with a partner! Learn what you can say and how you can say it that will help you and your partner feel calmer and able to talk about difficult topics.
Learn strategies that help your attachment system.

If you have any disorganized or fearful avoidant attachment style in your mix, you’ve likely wondered why people and life events can seem to throw you off balance. You go to a party or event, and someone says just the right words to set off your personal inner critic…

Stress that stems from relationships is one of the biggest challenges that people face having an attachment adaptation. Since it is rarely possible to remove ourselves from all relationships — lots of downsides to that one, as you can imagine — it is more practical to work on our attachment system and learn ways to feel calmer in relationship.

Anxious attachment usually stems from inconsistent or unpredictable connection in childhood. The result is a desire to keep someone close, and a fear of being abandoned.
Here are some triggers that people with anxious attachment often feel in the beginning stages and later on in relationships:

There’s a myth that people with avoidant attachment don’t want to be in relationships. The truth is, most folks with avoidant adaptation do want to be in a relationship but push their partner away because of underlying fears and triggers which we will explore now.

Find attachment role models as an adult to become more secure

If you’ve learned about attachment style and you’re in the process of looking for a match, chances are you’ve wondered how to avoid dating people with incompatible attachment styles and find someone with secure attachment.

6 ways to increase your secure attachment

You may have heard of the anxious avoidant trap, where two people with different attachment styles in a relationship get entangled in a dance of disconnection where one withdraws while the other pursues.

Why do we attract incompatible partners and what do we do about it?

You may have been hearing story after story lately of friend breakups and people ending long relationships. If it seems like you’ve been hearing more stories like this since the pandemic started, it’s not your imagination — people have been struggling with relationships of all kinds, and that includes friendships.

The surprising link between genetics and attachment — and some hopeful news

Researchers have discovered some interesting links between the style we developed as children and the health problems we have as adults

Anytime we experience stress from our environment, it can impact a romantic relationship. We turn to our relationships for comfort and stress relief, but can there be too much of a good thing? Yet some couples are handling this with more ease than others, and we can find some answers in attachment theory.

Helpful exercises so you can get your Zs